Saturday, July 24, 2010

yes my friend, this toast i made is positively glorious.

hum dee dum dum dum.

the book i want to read is in my mom's room at the moment, but she happens to be asleep. go figure. it's been sitting on top of the t.v. in the living room for the past week, and TODAY she decides to move it, and replace it with some absurd flower hair clip my grandmother found at a thrift store. i suppose i could just barge into her room, flick on the light, and start rudely rummaging around for it, but that would likely upset the wiener dog, and irritate my mother to the point where she would sit up and angrily mumble something like, "do you HAVE to have it NOW?" and i'd say something like "YES i need it now, it was in the living room, and you MOVED it when you knew i was reading it."

and then she'd say, in a considerably more irritated fashion "i did NOT move it, i have no idea where it is, so get lost."

then i'd reply with a sensationally witty remark, like "you're FACE can get lost," and i wouldn't get the book back. then on the short journey back to my room, i'd notice it sitting on the couch, in perfectly clear view. that's always how it happens.

like this morning, when i was making hot chocolate and i tried to put the thing that holds the hot water in the fridge. or two minutes later, after i made toast and accidentally put the peanut butter in the fridge when it really belongs in the cabinet above the counter. i make the most fantastic toast in the world. you'd have to be in my head to know why that had anything to do with what i was talking about, but trust me, it's connected.

so needless to say, i'm going to skip breaking into my mother's room, because in the end, it would essentially be useless, regardless of whether or not the book was actually there. which i'm almost certain it is, but i'm probably wrong.

it's The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs, by the way, perhaps you've read it. but then again, you probably haven't because, i mean, who actually reads books anymore when there are so many intriguing things to read on the internet, like F My Life and Shit My Dad Says?

oh yeah, and the toilet overflowed this evening, which was somehow my fault even though i had nothing to do with it. all i did was push the handle like i've done a thousand times before, and somehow it decided to explode. just a freak accident, but of course, it was my fault. i just love how that always happens.

alright, i'm done.

was there a point to this blog? ehhhhhhhhh, not really. but hey, who knows, maybe you'll find some sort of secret, profoundly touching, epiphany-evoking message hidden beneath this babbling nonsense. perhaps it even holds the meaning of life. get creative.


  1. But I thought every failed thing in the universe, with the exception of breaking electronics(Thats your mom's department) was to be my fault and my fault solely. *Sigh* I am so confused, I guess I could share the title a bit... just a slice. Speaking of slice, hence toast, I think you should open a toast restaurant or cafe. I mean it would probably be the most original thing since, hmmm, yo-gos, why not? Any way, I wish you the best of luck in obtaining your book and uh, keep up the toast.

  2. heheh this made me laugh. "perhaps it even holds the meaning of life" xD just like the magnificent cactus. Shit My Dad Says! filming in the cafe ftw. :D <3 oohhh Kenny. :P

  3. I read books! :) I read your blog too, because you are such a damn good writer!